A lot of guides to getting a girlfriend tend to focus on attitudes and generalized advice. Tips like, ‘be yourself’ and ‘have confidence’ will be floated around. Tips like these are all good things to keep in mind.
The thing is, a lot of you searching for advice on finding yourself a girlfriend will probably be hoping for an actual, practical guide. Well, do we have some good news for you! What follows is a set of strategies and advice for coming across as appealing and interesting to women.
Let’s get this show on the road.
How to Get A Girlfriend
1. Stop trying to get a girlfriend.
This may sound counter intuitive but trust us, it’ll make sense. The most important element of getting a girlfriend involves a girl being into you enough to want to be your girlfriend. Going to a party and looking at every girl there as a potential girlfriend isn’t going to help you because you’re trying to jump ahead without doing the groundwork. Go to the party and be as charming and sincere as you know how to be; not trying to get into the pants of every girl nearby will make girls want to chase you.
Women are constantly being approached by men trying to impress them with cheesy pickup lines and cheap compliments. You’d be amazed the impact that being fun to be around without constantly hitting on her can have on a woman. By being the one guy who is just good company, you will stand out from the pushy guys doing backflips for their attention.
2. Make her notice you.
Dress up; your jeans and hoodie may be comfortable, but they won’t draw anyone’s attention. Pick out some nice clothes, some jewelry or maybe even that tattoo you’ve always wanted (depends on the tattoo).
Basically, you want to have a look that will draw the eyes of women in the room. This will increase the odds of women approaching you to talk. If we have to explain how that helps you, then maybe you’re not ready for a girlfriend yet.
If there’s already a girl you like and you have her number then please consult what to text a girl a girl you like. This article covers how to sell yourself via text and to get yourself a date.
3. Get ready to approach her.
All of the prep work in the world won’t do you much good if you never actually approach them. While you want women to notice and pursue you, there’s no escaping the fact that, at some point, you will have to approach a girl and talk to her. Therefore, it is essential that you clear your mind of all the excuses even if you’ve never had a girlfriend.
You do this by flipping these doubts on their head and challenging them. It’s all too easy to listen to the doubts your mind presents and just take them as read. But there’s no reason to just assume your doubts are correct.
If you think a girl won’t be interested in talking to you, think about all the times you’ve made people laugh or told them an interesting story. If you see a girl and immediately assume that she’s out of your league, why don’t you let her be the judge of that?
(You can learn how to turn any “cold” girl you know into your girlfriend)
4. Approach her with confidence.
Once you’ve put your doubts aside, you need to be confident when you approach her. We don’t mean swagger up to her and shove the person she’s talking to onto the floor. You should be non-confrontational, but you also need to make sure you aren’t staring at the floor and mumbling. Things might feel a tad high-stakes, but this is a skill you use every day.
You’re nervous so make sure that your voice isn’t getting high-pitched, which will broadcast that you’re nervous as if you were wearing a sign around your neck. We’re not suggesting that you do the ‘Batman growl’ voice, just make sure your tone is low and confident.
When you’re talking to her, make sure that you’re smiling and, if you’re notably taller than her, make sure that you’re leaning back a bit so you’re not looming over her.
5. Give her a genuine compliment.
There’s a school of thought that guys should try to play it cool all the time when approaching women and that you should try to play hard to get. While people are entitled to this opinion, those of you interested in success should try paying her a sincere compliment instead. Tell her what it was about her that made you want to come over and talk. Does she have an amazing smile? Did you hear her tell a joke that made you laugh?
If the woman in question is a stranger, you might have to slightly modify your approach depending on where you meet her. If you meet her in a bar, party or somewhere approaching strangers is a bit more normal, then just say hello and begin talking.
If you meet her somewhere during the day, qualify your approach by acknowledging that it’s a bit out of the ordinary but that you just had to come and talk to her because… and then deliver your compliment.
6. Tease her.
You know how we mentioned that, before setting out to get yourself a girlfriend, you should lose the “I’m going to get a girlfriend” mindset? Part of the reason for that is that it’ll motivate you to put her on pedestal and treat her like she’s made of glass. This will not do anything for building sexual tension; you need to tease her a little bit.
Since you’re reading a guide on how to get a girlfriend, we’re making no assumptions about how much you know about flirting with women, so we’ll clarify a bit. We don’t mean pull her hair and call her names; playfully tease her. If she has cats then tease her about being a crazy cat lady. If she mentions a band she likes, then tease her about her taste in music.
Don’t overplay it; even the most well thought out teasing will get tiresome, and might get taken seriously, if you keep at it. What you’re aiming for is to show her that you’re someone she can have an actual good time with; not someone who just agrees with whatever comes out of her mouth.
This is important because it marks you as different from all the other guys who will approach her and just blindly throw compliments at her. It also shows that you’re actually listening and thinking about the things she says. This is important because…
7. Focus on her for conversation.
If you search online, it doesn’t take long to find accounts of women complaining about nightmare dates they had where the guy spent the whole time talking about themselves and bragging about their accomplishments. This is something you want to avoid doing and a good way to do that is to focus on her when looking for topics to talk about.
It really shouldn’t come as a surprise that girls like guys who listen to them so it’s important that you do just that. Guys who complain that girls never like ‘nice guys’ like them should probably see if they can remember what the girl in question was talking about ten minutes earlier before angrily posting online about this.
There is another benefit to focusing the conversation on her as well. It can sometimes be a bit difficult to hold a conversation with a stranger; especially one you’re keen to impress. By keeping the conversation focused on her and her interests, you’ll give yourself a constant supply of things to talk about. This is a handy way to avoid those awkward silences
If you come across a topic you disagree on, joke about how this means you’ll never get along and change the subject. This really isn’t the time to dig your heels in and argue the case for your side.
As you’ll have spent most of the conversation on topics that personally interest her, she’ll likely come away from it remembering that she really enjoyed talking with you. She’ll also feel that you were genuinely interested in her; not just trying to get her out of her dress. She’ll probably quite eager to keep in touch with you, so it’s a good thing you got her phone number.
Wait…you did get her number before she left, right?
8. Get her number.
It doesn’t matter how well the conversation went and how much she enjoyed your company if you never see her again after that night. So, when the conversation seems to be at its peak, make sure you ask for her number.
If you’re at a bar or party, odds are good she’s not going to vanish the second you end your conversation. Nevertheless, it’s a bit of reassurance to have her number so you can go and re-join your friends (and let her re-join hers). You don’t have to spend the entire evening following her around. In fact, it’s probably a good idea if you don’t.
If she’s into you then odds are good that she’ll approach you later. Try not to forget that you’ve just met this woman. It’s going to come off as creepy, and harm your chances, if you try to spend the entire evening with her.
So, once you’ve asked for her number (and hopefully got it) then it’s a good idea to give her a
9. Ask her out on a date.
Once you’ve got her number then it’s time to move on to the next stage; asking her out on a date. Obviously, you don’t want to do this the instant you get her number. No matter how much fun she had with you when you got her number, you’re still just some guy she barely knows. Exchange messages, make her laugh and get her interested in knowing more about you. Only once you’ve got her interest, should you suggest a date.
Make sure you suggest a venue that appeals to her interests so, when you’re exchanging messages, you really need to be paying attention to what she likes. If she’s a coffee fan then find a really nice coffee shop. Then, you feel the moment is right, suggest that the two of you try out that coffee shop.
Texting a girl is very different to talking to her in person; there is etiquette to observe and rules to follow. Here are some basic pointers;
- Send it and forget it – don’t overthink things. After you text her go about your day and don’t double text if she takes ages to reply.
- Keep it positive – if your text doesn’t make you smile or LOL then don’t send it.
- Be playful – texting is for flirting and setting up dates, not for deep or boring conversations. She wants a lover not a friend.
- End the conversation – Always end the conversation when it reaches its peak. It’s better to leave her on the edge of her seat than push things too far and risk becoming her text buddy.
(It’s the best way to get the girl of your dreams in a short space of time)
10. Where to go on a date.
Something you need to keep in mind, wherever you pick for your date, is that it should be somewhere where there is plenty to do, it’s informal and you can flirt and get intimate without getting shushed for interrupting something. Try to avoid going for dinner on a first date; it’s weirdly formal and it doesn’t give you much help when it comes to conversation topics if you get stuck.
Okay, so avoid a meal for a first date if possible; got it. So, what are some good first date locations?
A zoo is an excellent choice for a first date because there is so much to see and do. Not only does this give you plenty of stuff to talk about, by combining so many different experiences into one afternoon, she’ll come out feeling like she’s known you a lot longer than she actually has.
Don’t just stand and look at the animals either; if they have activities like feeding the animals then get involved with her.
Other good date locations where you can get closer to her include bars, arcades and bowling alleys. These places allow you to have a, non-whispered, conversation with her and gives you an activity to focus on to help the conversation through awkward lulls.
The cinema is fine for dates, just not the first one. You can’t really hold a conversation with her, so you come out of it not really any closer to her. A movie is the kind of date you go on when you’re already getting close.
11. Start the date by complimenting her.
Unless she shows up in jeans and a hoodie, odds are she spent a lot of time getting herself ready. Between showering, getting dressed and applying makeup, she almost certainly put more effort into getting ready than you did.
So, make sure you compliment her on how she looks. Don’t bother with some kind of suave pick-up line; just sincerely compliment her on how she looks.
12. Have high expectations.
Holding yourself and other people to high standards is an important rule for life, but also for dating. This is incredibly attractive to women because it shows her you respect and love yourself. Self-respect, or lack thereof, is more noticeable than you might think. It’s tough getting a woman to like you if it’s clear that you don’t like yourself.
A good example of how to display this is to acknowledge it if she’s late for a date:
We’re not saying you should get aggressive with her or ‘tell her off’ for it. That would not be a good way to go about things. The point is that you acknowledged (hopefully a bit playfully) what happened rather than just pretending it didn’t. She’ll respect you a lot more than if she realizes that you’ll let her get away with anything just to keep her happy.
Of course, like we said, you need to hold yourself to these standards as well. If you’re taking her for a meal, be polite to the serving staff. Just treat the people around you with a basic level of respect.
13. Conversation topics to avoid on the date.
When you’re casting around for subjects to talk about, here are some topics you should avoid like the plague.
Talking about ex-girlfriends or women you weren’t able to get a date with. Complain about them and you’re painting yourself as someone who has some negative views on women. Talking about them fondly suggests that you’re still hung up on them. Both will be red flags to her, so best to avoid the subject altogether.
If you have a lot of money then don’t keep bringing this up. It will come across as incredibly insecure and unappealing to most women. If you try to make your selling point your wealth, you’ll only attract women who are after that.
Don’t complain about your job. If you have an exciting or unusual job then talk about it, sure, but no one wants to hear your complaints. She’s there to have a good time; not be your agony aunt.
Religion is one to avoid; if you want to talk to strangers about God, become a missionary because it won’t help you out on a date.
Unless your date is a professor of politics, you really shouldn’t bring it up. Even if she is, it’s still best to try and avoid it; so many potential minefields here.
Negative and toxic relationships – You’re here to have a good time and hopefully end up in a meaningful relationship. So, leave your baggage in the past and give the woman in front of you your best efforts.
The whole point of a first date is to get to know one another and figure out if there’s anything worthwhile between you. So asking her where she sees the relationship going and similar questions that put her in an awkward position should be avoided at all costs. You’re there to have a good time; you’re not trying to define your relationship because, at this point, you don’t have much of one.
14. Make her like you by being yourself.
Being an actor can be a fun job if you’re good at it, but it would be hellish if you could never drop character. You want to make the best effort you can to impress her, but you should never forget that you’re trying to get her to like you.
The thing is that, if you change yourself too drastically, then you’re basically setting yourself up for failure, one way or another.
Basically, you’ve been trying to please women into liking you.
One of two things will happen here. The most likely scenario is that the woman you’re trying to please into liking you will be completely unattracted to a guy who would literally lie down and be her doormat if she asked him to.
The second scenario is that you might successfully fool her into thinking you’re into a lot of stuff that you’re not. Congratulations; you have now achieved a relationship that requires you to spend most of your time doing things you don’t enjoy because she’s pretty.
Relaxing and being yourself will achieve much better results.
15. Flirt with her physically.
Once she’s starting to get comfortable with you, you can up your game by flirting with her physically.
Getting too ambitious too soon can blow up in your face so it’s a good idea to try some of the ideas below to test the waters:
- Brush something out of her hair but purposefully graze her neck with the back of your hand
- If you’re sitting next to her, rest your hand next to her nearest leg and touch her outer thigh with your little finger
- High five her and lock fingers for a split second then release her
- Playfully hit her on the arm or lightly push her away from you whenever she teases you
If you get a positive reaction then you can try getting a little bit more adventurous. It should go without saying that if she reacts negatively, you should back off straight away. Push your luck too hard and you won’t have the chance to try again later.
The most obvious sign she’s enjoying the physical flirting is if she starts doing it back.
Once she starts responding back, now is the right time to make things official with a kiss.
16. Make a move and kiss her.
Women want to be overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered; she wants to be kissed because you want to kiss her. Not because she’s your best chance at getting some action that night. So, when you see clear indicators that she wants to be kissed, you need to go for it.
Since wanting a woman gives a man a tendency to interpret everything she does as a sign of interest, here is a list of some strong indicators that she wants you to kiss her:
- She plays with her hair when she’s talking to you
- She keeps looking at your lips
- She laughs at all your jokes (even if they’re not funny)
- She leans in closely to hear you speak, rather than you leaning into her
You might want absolute certainty that she wants to be kissed, but she’s likely just as nervous as you; she’s probably not going to spell out that she wants you to kiss her. So be brave, watch for the signs and go for it.
The best moment is when you’re both smiling, close together, maybe you’re already physically touching. If her eyes dart down to your lips, that’s about as clear a signal as you’re going to get.
It’s possible you misread the signs and she backs away, but she’ll probably at least respect you for being brave enough to try.
A common mistake guys make after a rejection is that he’s the problem. If she’s gone on a date with you and is being physically flirty with you, then there’s a real possibility that there was another reason she backed off. Maybe she wasn’t quite ready for a kiss yet, or perhaps there were other people nearby and she’s a little self-conscious of their attention.
Whatever the reason for the false start, the more times you try, the better you’ll get at reading the signs.
17. Do not try to lock down another date.
A first date is just that; it’s about having fun and getting to know each other properly.
It is not stage one of getting married.
If all worked out, you made her laugh and she ended things with a kiss on the cheek and a comment about how “we should do this again sometime”, do not pull up the calendar app on your phone and start trying to schedule the second one then and there. Being super clingy this early on will make her feel uncomfortable and do a good job of killing any interest she’s started to develop for you.
18. Keep her hooked between dates.
One of many reasons to not get too eager, too soon, is because you don’t want her to think that your entire life revolves around getting dates with her.
You don’t want to ‘play hard to get’ (she’s going to get sick of having to jump through hoops for you quickly), but you shouldn’t move heaven and earth to be available for the first date she suggests. She’s going to be far more interested in a guy who has other stuff going on in his life than one who sits staring at his phone until she calls.
Besides avoiding making you look clingy, it adds some mystery to you and will get her more curious about you and your life
Imagine that you had just started dating a girl and she began making plans for moving in together and getting married after one date to the bowling alley. Overwhelming, isn’t it? You barely know this girl and she’s making plans to be with you forever. It’s no different for women; it can be more than a bit alarming if some guy she’s just getting to know already revolves his life around her. So, while there’s no reason to hide the fact that you like her, getting too attached too soon will very likely ruin tings between the two of you.
19. Make it official.
Outside of arranged marriages, building a relationship has very little to do with contract negotiation. So, you really might want to be careful about pushing too hard for getting a verbal confirmation of being together out of her.
Remember how, at the start of this article, we said that the best way to start finding a girlfriend is to stop looking for one? While it’s true that you need to make some efforts to ensure the relationship you gain isn’t a very platonic friendship instead of the romance you’re looking for; there is a lot of truth in what we said.
You see, if you hit the bars, flirt, get phone numbers and then dates with a narrowing target visual in your mind, you’re probably going to end up being two things; possessive and impatient. As you get closer to the girl you’re going on dates with, there will be a little voice in your head saying ‘is she my girlfriend yet?’
This won’t be too huge of a problem when you have measurable signs of progress (getting her number then getting her to agree to a date) but, after a few dates, you’ll be desperate for some official sign that she’s your girlfriend. This results in you pushing for some official start point of the relationship like some kind of treaty signing.
It goes without saying that it is massively off-putting for a woman to have a guy she’s been on a few fun dates with, suddenly demand that she confirm that the two of you are ‘official’ now.
You’re not applying for a job; a committed relationship is something that happens gradually and naturally. So rather than slamming down a piece of paper in front of her and demanding a written statement confirming that she exclusively dates you now, you should be focusing on having fun with her and building her interest and attachment to you.
Because being a pushy guy trying to guilt her into spending more time with you is not a great foundation for any kind of relationship; let alone a long term one. Leave guilting a girl into something on the pile of tactics that you never, ever try.
This isn’t to say that you can’t have plans for the future. As you get closer to her, make suggestions of activities that would be fun to do together or places that would be fun to visit. The crucial difference is that you’re not trying to get her to commit to places and times. No woman is going to feel comfortable going into a relationship that feels like closing walls of commitment and obligations.
So, if you want this girl to be your girlfriend then keep going on dates with her and making sure that she’s having fun. Do that, and a relationship will start naturally.
20. Let your confidence grow naturally with experience.
Of course, if getting a girlfriend was as simple as woodenly following a script, you probably wouldn’t have needed to come to us. You see as well researched and in depth as we’ve strived to make this guide, the most important factor is something we haven’t covered yet.
Because, the thing is, it won’t be us approaching that girl who caught your eye. And none of the advice we’ve given you will be very effective if you’re staring at your shoes and mumbling the whole time, you’re talking to her. Confidence, and lack thereof, is very noticeable and will supercharge your efforts to catch her attention. Building that confidence is up to you, but we can offer a few tips to help you on your way:
- Never assume that a girl is ‘out of your league’
- Make sure you stand up for yourself
- No one landed the girl of their dreams the safe way; take risks
- Is there a girl you like? Then flirt with her; there’s nothing to gain from hiding your attraction to her.
The more you take risks and approach girls you like, the more your confidence will grow; just like anything in life, really.
The Next Step (If you already have one special girl in mind)
If there’s a girl that’s already making your pulse race and you’re hoping that we have a little more advice on how to get her to be your girlfriend, then we have good news for you.
We hope you had as much fun reading this article as we had writing it, because we had a lot of fun. There were puppies, someone was juggling and everyone had cake; pretty standard article writing stuff.
One thing we should touch on before signing off. If you’re reading this article, you’re probably pretty eager to get yourself a girlfriend. You need to accept the fact that it won’t happen overnight. So, take a deep breath and breathe out all of your ‘must get girlfriend right this second’ impulses. You need to focus on something far more crucial if you want to succeed.
Yourself.
This all feeds on from what we were talking about with the confidence section up above. YOU are the product you’re trying to sell to women. You’re trying to convince women that they will enjoy spending time with you. So, if you visibly have no confidence in yourself, you’re not going to have much luck convincing girls that you’re the guy for them.
You need to stop pilling on the self-depreciation; people like a guy who can laugh at himself but, if every joke you make has you as the punchline, she’s going to be making her excuses before long. Have the confidence to hold yourself and others to a higher standard. Stop worrying about what everyone watching will think if you approach that stunning woman standing at the bar by herself.
All of this is practical advice (you’ll never get a girlfriend if you talk yourself out of approaching women in the first place) but there’s more to it than that. Like we said, how much confidence you have is visible to people watching you; you give it away with a lot of different subconscious cues. If you give off quiet confidence in yourself, your appeal to women will jump dramatically.
That’s how you get a girlfriend; believe in yourself and she’ll start to as well.
