Are you forever finding that you cannot maintain a conversation with a female, or at least if you do manage to maintain a conversation, it dries up just minutes after beginning, is painful for both participants and neither of you manage to get what it is that you are looking for out of the encounter?
Well, fear not. This piece may just go on to be your very own holy grail. Here are the very best tips from those well versed in the art of seduction and the thoughts of female dating experts. We will provide you with information on what to do and just as importantly, what not to do.
You will find out what the most common mistakes made by men when approaching women are, and how to correct them. This will allow you to add some much-needed spice to your conversations, which will ultimately have the same effect on your entire romantic life.
The Attraction Killers:
A scary title, no doubt. However, these five things definitely needed to be added to your ‘not to do’ list.
The first of these things is not holding eye contact. Not maintaining eye contact is not only damaging in potential romantic encounters, but all conversations. You can be seen as shifty, untrustworthy and dishonest. None of which really scream ‘I must have you’.
Secondly, you must remember not to steer the conversation in too much of a sexual direction. You have likely only just met this person, if you are only beginning your conversation. Therefore, they do not know you, you are not building on groundwork, you are laying it. By coming across as overly sexual, the female will likely think that you are seeking just one thing. A conversation of such a nature could also lead to you coming across as something of a sexual pest.
Number three on the list is something of a two-part point. Do not brag or talk too much. In this case one feeds the other, if you are talking too much about yourself, it is likely that you will be bragging about how great you are and how great your life is. You do not need to sell yourself, you are not the latest range of motorcar, you are a person.
Let the girl get to know you but don’t force yourself down her throat. What is more, get to know her too. Let her be a part of the conversation, rather than just a recipient. This will help the conversation flow and keep you both interested in what is being said.
As an aside, bragging about the size of your car, or your earnings will not make women go crazy for you. Instead, as previously mentioned, get to know her, rather than focusing on the material parts of your life.
On the flip side, talking too much, whilst it may seem useful for calming your nerves, is not the answer to your woes. Keep things balanced and things will flow far better.
So, What Can I Do?
So, now that you know what you must avoid at all costs, you no doubt want to know what you can do to build a healthy rapport and get the conversation heading in the direction that you want it to.
Well, according to the experts, there are six things that you need to be doing.
Firstly, you must listen to her. Take on board what she says and take an interest in what she tells you. In some ways this builds on the not talking too much about yourself rule.
In stark contrast to our last list, you must make and hold eye contact when conversing with a female. This will enable you to seem warm, trustworthy and honest, which I do not need to tell you are hugely attractive qualities to everyone.
Number three is to be engaged in the conversation and live in the moment. Do not think too much about what comes next, or where the conversation is leading too. Think about her and enjoy having the conversation. Enjoy getting to know someone new and enjoy listening to what she has to say. Give engaging responses and think about nothing else but the conversation at hand.
Fourth on our list, we encourage you to give the lady compliments. Think about it, when is it not nice to receive compliments? Chances are if you are attracted to her and you are enjoying conversing with her, then she is both attractive and interesting and she deserves to know. Complimenting her on either her looks or her intelligence subtly lets her know that you find her attractive, and likely with good reason.
Next up, ask her questions. By engaging with her you will find out more about her, she will find out more about you and you will be able to build a better and more detailed basis for your potential relationship. This will also stop nasty surprises from rearing their heads further down the line, should things progress.
All of these things will lead to the final thing on our list. The importance of building a connection. You will be engaging, interesting, subtle, trustworthy and overall, you will increase your chances of being found attractive by your female companion – which is ultimately what you want, isn’t it?
Feed off her responses to your questions and your conversations will be far more interesting. A good example would be, if you ask a lady where she is from, and she replies by only stating where she is from, provide her with a topical response on that area.
This will give the conversation a new lease of life and ticks almost every one of the boxes on our list of things to do.
What Do the Pickup Experts Think?
As previously mentioned, it is vitally important not to think too much about the direction that the conversation is going in and were it might lead to. Being engaged in the conversation will allow you to seem more interesting and more fun, yourself. Thus, leading to more interesting and more engaging conversations.
When you are doing this, remember to present yourself in a more trustworthy and honest fashion by maintaining eye contact, rather than looking across the bar, or scanning up and down her body – as attractive as she may be and as interesting as whatever may be happening across the bar might be.
Does it come as a surprise to you that the Pickup Experts and the Female Dating Experts both think the same way? Well, it shouldn’t. They are both experts in what women want, as different as their backgrounds may well be.
Experts vs Experts:
So, lets compare both sets of experts and see how the
Artists stack up against the Female Dating Experts, shall we?
They both want you to make eye contact, listen and be in the moment. They both want you to ensure you aren’t talking too much, or bragging and they both want you to appear fun and interesting and make a connection with your potential female companion. However, they do have some slightly different ideas as to why you should do these things.
In regards to eye contact, the Female Dating Expert is of the opinion that anything other than solid eye contact can feel untrustworthy or disingenuous. Whereas, the Pickup Artist states that dominance can be established through eye contact – no doubt you can pick up on the difference that is present in their thinking in this instance.
Another example of these differences comes in why you should listen to your lady friend. The Female Dating Expert states that listening to a woman can build attraction, as it shows you to be sincere and interested. Whereas, the Pickup Artist states that listening to a woman can give you the material that you need to take things to the next level.
Finally, when referencing how to keep the conversation fun and flowing, the Female Dating Expert states specifics. They remind us that bringing up risky topics, such as politics, potential future endeavours and appearing overly sexual are all definite things that you must avoid.
The Pickup Artist, on the other hand, does not reference such specifics. Instead, they focus on what benefit being fun can have for you. They talk about fun as a currency, almost as if you were selling yourself to your potential partner. If you think about fun in this way, they believe that the female will always pick the guy that appears fun.
These differences may well be small but they are certainly there. Both sets of experts look upon things slightly differently, but both sets of advice will see you reap the same benefits. So, whichever set of ethics you agree with – learn from that set of experts and set yourself away on your own personal development.
So, what have we learnt? Well, we now know that you should stop bragging, stop talking about yourself quite so much and be fun, genuine and interesting.
No matter how good you are with the ladies, as with anything, you can always learn more. However, not all men are keen to listen to others, even industry experts, when it comes to the matter of their sex life – masculine pride means that everyone thinks that they know best.
However, we encourage you not to fall into this trap. If you want to be the best, then learn from the best – this is the case in love, as it is in life.