Are You Faced with Crippling Anxiety When Faced with An Attractive Female? Worry No More!
In theory, picking up a girl should not be too much of a huge issue. You go over, introduce yourself and your rapport builds from there. Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
However, any of us that have ever tried, know that things do not always go so smoothly. As you approach, your breathing increases, you may get sweaty, you worry and, in some cases, you are faced with huge amounts of anxiety.
So, with this in mind, starting this conversation can be the single most difficult moment in any of their potential relationship with any lady.
I mean, we have all been there to some extent, but of course it is worth for some than it is for others.
In most cases, this process gets so much easier the more that you repeat it. However, that does require a huge amount of rejection and some of guys are deeply shy or even suffer from crippling anxiety, which may get worse and make things even more difficult the more rejection that they are subjected to.
If this is the case, you may struggle to talk to all new people, not just gorgeous females. So some of the old techniques may well not work for you at all.
You may well be reading along thinking, ‘Yes, yes, yes, that sounds like me.’
So, when faced with the girl of your dreams, have you ever given yourself reasons not to pursue a conversation with her?
Do you create scenarios in your head that mean you are unable to pursue the girl that might be your potential perfect partner?
Some of these scenarios may include, but are certainly not limited to; thinking she may have a partner already, thinking that you are not going to be her type, thinking that she looks busy, or thinking that couples rarely get together in the place where you are at the time of meeting.
Your concerns may even be far simpler than this, you may just be panicked by the thought of being embarrassed in front of ‘the guys’ or what can be even worse, in front of her friends. Or you may even dread seeing her again, should you be rejected by her in the first place.
In short, you are already sinking and not floating. Your own personal insecurities are preventing you from pursuing the girl that may be your future wife, thus potentially limiting your happiness.
A commonly suggested solution is to rehearse a scenario in your mind and know what you are going to say before you approach your chosen girl. However, there are various shortcomings in such a plan before it even starts.
First and foremost, it is only a useful technique if you know exactly who you are planning on asking out and know exactly when you will next see them. Secondly and just as importantly, conversations are impossible to plan. There is no way that you could know what the response to your invitation would be.
On top of this, you may just crumble under the pressure that you have put yourself in by engaging in such a highly stressful situation.
So, what is the answer? You must re-train your mind. Sounds hard, doesn’t it? Don’t worry though, our tips and hints that you will find below will certainly help you to do so.
Let us start with a question, how are you with names? Or more specifically, how are you with remembering names? If you are like me, the answer will be terrible – I will hold my hands up, I have been known to forget names mid-conversation, just seconds after first being introduced.
However, the issue may not be your ability to remember the name. It is more likely that you are so focused on creating the perfect first impression, that you do not listen enough to what is actually being said to you.
In short, you care too much. Why could this be? It could be any number of things, from the fact that you are just not comfortable within yourself, or you want to impress those that don’t matter. Both of these things could well be what is causing your anxiety in this specific case.
So, how does this affect you chatting to women? Don’t worry, we will get there, but first let’s look at the issue in a little more detail.
What is Anxiety? Well, more specifically, what is social anxiety?
It is defined as ‘fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance.’
It is the same in the case, being rejected by the girl is frightening to you, you are afraid of being judged in a negative way because of your actions.
In short, you are worried about what the girl will think of you when you approach them. Your worries could stem from some of these things, although you are of course not limited to this very short list of potential reasons.
You could be worried that you will be seen as; dull, boring, a pest, overly sexual, or just an annoying pain. As I say, the list does not stop there.
On top of this, there is also the people that may see you. Whether they are strangers, people you know or the inner members of your own friendship group.
This may not be what you want to hear, but unfortunately, there is never going to be a perfect moment for you to approach your potential girl, someone will nearly always be close by.
You need not be concerned that you are nervous when asking a girl out, it is perfectly natural to care what people think of you. However, in this case, it can be destructive to both your chances and your self conscious.
Now for our first piece of help and advice. Think of it this way, you are upsetting yourself over whether someone you barely know (at this point), does not want to be with you, based on one interaction. Sounds silly doesn’t it?
So, with this way of thinking, what do you really have to lose? In short, nothing, not a single thing. Go over, introduce yourself and just be yourself, don’t put on a front. Chances are, she will love your honesty and your genuine personality.
Some Fun Examples:
Are you struggling to get picture the image in your mind? Well, from people dressed in an eccentric manner, to those people who are enjoying a moment so much, that they simply have to capture it forever. To some people, the sight of selfie-sticks and funny faces could seem embarrassing. To others they provide the perfect way of capturing their emotions during a specifically happy time in their lives.
Do they care if they may look silly to people that they don’t know and will never see again? Of course, they don’t. Admire those people that are living in the moment. Learn from them, don’t scold them.
What About Rejection?
There is no way of getting around this, at some point, it is likely that you will get rejected when asking someone out on a date. As much as it sucks, chances are it will happen and it could happen with what may seem like a startling regularity.
You could be the best looking, most charming and kindest person in the world, with the best lines and the best dialogue in the entire world. Chances are, you would still not be every girls cup of tea.
So, in short, if you want to find someone, or at least if you are actively searching for someone, you will almost certainly have to deal with rejection – I can’t stress this enough.
How you deal with rejection will certainly dictate how successful you are with the ladies.
The examples above should help you to adopt the mindset that you need to prepare yourself to deal with rejection. If those people can live in the moment and enjoy themselves, you can too.
Why not try this, assume the girl that you are talking to has no interest in any men. Assume she likes girls. What harm can it do?
It will certainly give you that added ego boost that you have needed for some time. If she rejects you, then just say, ‘she must be a lesbian, she must just not like guys.’ This will no doubt impact your ego big time, and in a hugely positive way, too!
It may sound silly, but so might taking a selfie when covered in mud. This is not about being silly, it is not about anything like that. This entire exercise is solely about developing your confidence and your self-belief so if something works for you, it certainly is not foolish in any way.
Have You Got the Skills?
Put your worries to one side for a minute, how are your skills?
Chances are, if you are worrying about any response that you may get, then your skills may be somewhat ropey. Why is that? Practice makes perfect, as is the case with everything, from reading and writing to learning to play basketball.
To continue the sports analogy, think of your social skills as a developing muscle. Give them a good workout, exercise them and try to build on them whenever you get the chance and they will respond in a positive way, by building the strength that you need in order for them to perform the task at hand.
The flip side to this, is if you refuse to exercise them, or in this case, worry too much to converse with women, your skills and confidence will both wither and eventually die, which will have the reverse effect to what you are wanting and what you need from them.
Practice makes perfect is a well known saying for a reason, that reason is that it is true. If you don’t practice and you don’t try to build on what you have, then you won’t get to where you want to be.
With this in mind, go out and channel your inner Ryan Reynolds, go for every girl that you like, regret nothing and before too long you will almost certainly have forgotten all about the anxieties that once made your life, or at least your love life somewhat unhealthy.
Follow these steps and you will get to where you want to be, you can then go on to enjoy the fruits of your labour and you and your dream girl could be the envy of the entire neighbourhood and if the first one doesn’t work out, you will always have the necessary social skills to go out and secure more dates.
So, good luck and enjoy!