So, you worked up the courage to talk to that woman you can’t stop thinking about. You managed to make her laugh and, in the end, she decides that she wouldn’t mind hearing from you; you get her number. This is fantastic right? The hard part is done and now you… you… Okay, now you think about it, exactly what should you be doing next?
Well, call her, of course but there is a right way and so many wrong ways to go about it. Because convincing her to give you her number was simply step one. Step two is actually using that number and fumbling it will result in her regretting step one.
So, men, if you don’t want that to happen, you really need to improve your texting game.
For example, our survey of one hundred single women shows that ideas like waiting three days to not seem ‘too eager’ are not good ideas. 89% of women want to be contacted within forty-eight hours of giving you their number. Fail to call them within that two-day window and they will quickly lose interest.
Scroll down to the infographic below for this and more information on texting women.
Here’s our breakdown of the texting metrics from the infographic
The best place to start is a recap of women’s preferred ways of being contacted:
- 73% – Text
- 19% – Phone call
- 6% – Facebook
- 2% – IM App
Given that texting is ahead with an enormous 73%, with the distant second option being a phone call, there’s something we can learn from this. Basically, when asking a woman for her contact details, you should ask for her phone number by default. Odds are that this option will be what she prefers. Asking for her social media details off the bat can make things a bit awkward if that’s not her preferred option; it’s asking her to give you more access to her personal life than she might be comfortable with at this stage.
And while it’s true that there are some women who will prefer to give their Facebook details, the majority will be more comfortable with a phone number. If she would prefer the social media route, she’ll let you know. You also probably shouldn’t list a load of different contact methods and ask which one she wants to give. This will come off as too needy or intense from a guy she probably doesn’t know very well.
Don’t be over-complicated; keep things simple and just ask for the phone number.
When we compare how long it takes a man to get in touch with a woman with how long a woman wants to have to wait, some pretty clear insights quickly become apparent. Let’s take a look;
|How Long||When men first get in touch||When women like men to first get in touch|
|4 days +||11%||5%|
When adding up the figures, we can see that a total of 89% of the women polled want to be contacted within 48 hours of giving someone their number. You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about the ‘three-day’ rule; waiting three days before contacting her in order to not seem ‘too desperate’. As the data above shows, this tactic makes the mistake of focusing on your interest rather than hers.
So, if you actually want to get a reply to your message, it would be a good idea to send either the same night or, at latest, the next day.
Statistically, women tend to lose interest after:
5 days if you, for some crazy reason, haven’t contacted her by then.
2 days if she’s an attractive woman and, therefore, receives a lot of interest. If she has men clamoring for her attention, she’s probably not going to lose sleep over some guy who couldn’t be bothered to respond promptly.
At this point, a few of you are probably sitting, reading this article and wondering just how we figured out which women were attractive. Theories about hidden cameras and people in trench coats tracking them down may be floating around your heads.
Well, you can calm down; the way we did it is simpler and far more innocent than any of that.
We figured out which women in the survey can be considered attractive by cross-tabulating the information gathered with how often each woman goes out and how many men approach them. From this, we can reveal that attractive women;
- Have more men currently pursuing them
- Are approached by more guys on a night out
- Reject guys more often
First Date Flakiness
So, out of curiosity, how many of you reading this were surprised to find out the top reasons that cause women to bail on the first date.
Because we weren’t, truth be told. The fact that 60% of women swiftly reconsider getting involved with a man who texts them in a needy or clingy fashion was old news to us.
Neediness is pretty much the ultimate turn off and this goes double when it comes from someone you barely know.
- Replying back instantly every time
- Texting constant updates on your day
- Sending text monologues
- Too much flattery
- Sending texts that seek validation
Now let’s take another look at the five main behaviors that will make women swipe left on the first date:
- 60% – Desperate & Needy
- 44% – Talking Dirty
- 24% – Reveal Jealous Traits
- 24% – Not Funny Anymore
- 10% – Try to Fix the Date Too Soon
While, statistically, it’s only ranked in third place, one of the five behaviors deserve a special mention because it’s a trap that a lot of men fall into and it’s about as appealing to women as an overflowing trash can.
Revealing Jealous Traits – Try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes (high-heeled or not) and consider just how utterly exhausting it is to have a man explode into angry, childish behavior every time they feel their connection to you is being threatened. Guilt-tripping her for not replying fast enough, cancelling a date or getting angry that she has male friends that she hangs out with. All of these are classic jealous behaviors and they are like poking holes in your boat because you’re worried that it’s floating low in the water.
Seriously, never, ever, go the jealous route; for one thing, we’ve covered why it’ll do you no favors. But, beyond that, it’s just wrong to do. The woman you’re tormenting because you’re insecure is a person who doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. And a woman who has just recently met you has nothing to lose by cutting you loose rather than putting up with this.
For some more focused advice on how to help you get to the first date without sabotaging yourself, Rami from Gutsy Geek has put together six really smart tips on how to prevent flakes here.
The First Date
So, you managed to make it to the first date without doing anything that sent her running for the hills. Congratulations; you’re getting the hang of this social interaction thing. Now, the big question is where are you going to take her?
Well then, let’s recap the top five venues women prefer for a first date:
#3 Drinks at a Bar
#4 Aquarium / Zoo
From personal experience, we can recommend the Aquarium/Zoo as an excellent place to take her for the first date. There is plenty to see and do, but you can have a conversation with her at the same time. This way you can get to know each other, but there is plenty to do if you reach a moment where you can’t think of anything to say. Of course, depending on the woman, other venues on the list might be more to her taste. Nevertheless, the Aquarium/Zoo will give you plenty of flexibility in how the date proceeds.
After you’ve spent a day out at the zoo, then taken her out for a meal, girls will feel a lot more comfortable with you; having had a chance to get to know you at their own pace. Besides, this will make it a much more memorable first date than simply going for coffee or something else more humdrum.
In order to find the best selection of date venues that have some kind of shared activity, we cross-referenced the preferences of all age groups polled to find the most popular venues that don’t involve eating and drinking;
22-25: Aquarium / Zoo
That being said, we still strongly recommend that you take her out for a meal after whatever you choose to do. For one thing, it is a nice way to round off the date rather than simply parting ways outside the bowling alley. For another, it allows you to discuss what you got up to during the main part of the date. This can make her feel like you’ve put some effort into the date as well as let you get a feel for how she thinks things went.
Moving on, is it really important to kiss on the first date?
The reason we bring this up is that it is a commonly held belief that no matter how much she enjoyed the date, and how much you made her laugh, if you don’t get a kiss by the end, the whole thing was a disaster. And that if you don’t get one by the second date then you’re doomed to the dreaded ‘Friend Zone’™.
Well, sometimes something is widely known simply because people keep talking about it, rather than it actually being true. In this case, it’s so untrue you really shouldn’t lose any of your beauty sleep over it. Of women polled, a whopping 95% said that having a kiss on the first date isn’t important. So, if you don’t get a kiss when you drop her off, it doesn’t mean that she thinks of you as the brother she never had.
If you’re having trouble getting from a girl’s phone number to actually seeing her in person again, you really should read our article on how to text girls. In it, we’ve packed a huge selection of case studies and templates to help you land that first date with the girl you really like.
This infographic was a lot of fun to put together and we hope you’ve learned a great deal from it.
If you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed making it, share it with your friends and family to help them get the inside scoop on the right way to text women when you have romance in mind.
Did you have some questions about texting women that we didn’t cover in this article? Want more information on a certain topic next time? Or maybe you just want to say hi to us? The comments section is below for you.