You don’t need to be on the autism spectrum to hope for a precise and obvious way of telling if a girl likes you. Nevertheless, this can be doubly true for People on the Autistic Spectrum find love.
Developing a crush on someone is an extremely magical experience- at first. You suddenly notice how pretty they are, how much they make you laugh and just, generally, how awesome they are. Eventually, the thought of asking them out pops into your head.
This is where it gets slightly less magical because, like night follows day, this idea is followed by a burning question; do they like you? More specifically, do they like you in that particular way? Sure, she may laugh at your jokes and answer your text messages, but she might just think of you as a very good friend. Or she may just be trying to be polite to you because you have a mutual friend. You soon find yourself second-guessing every previous interaction you ever had with them.
Before long, your crush on this person has become a great big burden that causes you to obsess over whether you’re texting them in the right way. Suddenly the experience doesn’t feel so magical when you’re worrying if the fact that she didn’t laugh at the joke you told the other day means she hates you.
Possibly the worst thing about all the energy you’re spending, desperately dissecting her every action, is that it’s not even doing you any good. You lie in bed brooding over this stuff and you still don’t know if she likes you. Something needs to change if you want to get a girlfriend.
And this isn’t just because it leaves you paralyzed with indecision; you’re not just spinning your wheels, you could be actively harming your shot at a romantic relationship with her, along with any current friendship you have. Because your needy indecision probably isn’t nearly as well hidden as you think it is. And a super-needy person is unappealing to women (and men for that matter). Especially if your crush is someone you’ve only recently met.
Not great, it’s true, but if relationships weren’t tough, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
Fortunately, this doesn’t mean that you have to go in blind every time you want to ask a girl out. While everyone is different, there are generalized signs that can give you some clues.
So, if you have autism, here are some useful tips for figuring out whether a girl sees you as more than a friend.
Because we live in an age where phones exist, the following advice covers both texting and in-person encounters.
Detecting the clues that she likes you (instead of just asking her)
When it comes to figuring out if she likes you or not, it is really helpful to remain calm, clear-headed and totally objective.
Unfortunately, this is very nearly impossible. On the one hand, your crush on her will often cause you to interpret any positive to neutral interaction as a sign she likes you back. On the other hand, your fear of getting turned down will cause you to second guess everything.
- She’s just texted back – Should I text her immediately or would that come across too keen?
- Does she like me or does she only consider me a friend?
- We didn’t kiss on the first date – Will she want to meet up again?
- She’s always busy whenever I suggest meeting up – Am I coming across too keen? Or is she just playing hard to get?
Needing to know precisely where a relationship currently stands is a common problem for many autistic people.
All of the above is the result of an underlying need for verbal confirmation that things are okay. As people on the spectrum can often have difficulty with non-verbal cues, this kind of reassurance is the most sought after.
However, this constant need for explicit verbal confirmation can be an uncomfortable experience for a partner during the early stages of a relationship.
This is because asking for explicit definitions of where the relationship is at can feel intimidating to someone when you’re just starting out in a relationship. Often, you’re not entirely sure yourself exactly how you feel. So being asked for an exact explanation can feel like they’re trying to trap you or move too fast.
Signs via texting that a girl likes you
Since trying to get your significant other to nail down exactly how they feel in twenty words or less is basically relationship self-sabotage, you need to figure it out without asking.
Unless you’re some kind of trained super-spy, we all have unconscious ‘tells’ that indicate how we feel about something. So, you need to learn to pick up on the habits and behaviors that show interest.
While exchanging texts with a girl, a really big clue she likes you is if she is the one to begin conversations. If this happens once in a while, maybe don’t read too much into it. However, if she regularly starts conversations with you, it’s a sign that she thinks about you quite often.
Here are some more subtle and obvious signs she likes you:
- She replies quickly and texts you quite often.
- She agrees with a lot of your opinions on things
- She laughs at your jokes and actively seeks to engage you in conversation
- She asks your opinion about things she likes or dislikes to see if it would put you off; “would you still like me if I told you I hate dogs?”
- She lets you know she’s been exercising (essentially drawing your attention to the fact she’s in good shape).
Once you’ve learned to pay attention for these little cues, you can build some confidence with regards to whether she’s into you.
Which means that it’s a good time to float the idea of a date.
A simple way to test whether or not she’s into you.
You’re not restricted to simply passively waiting for signs of interest. Remember, if she is interested in you, she’ll be looking for hints of interest from you. By providing a little bait, you can gauge her interest.
Get out your fishing rod and reel her interest in
The way to do this is by proposing an activity that could be a date without actually asking her out.
Let’s use an example for clarity;
Suppose the woman you’re interested in is a hiker. Setting up a hiking date is a good idea; just not like this;
Definitely a bit different. Less demanding and it leaves the ball in her court, avoiding making her feel uncomfortable.
Then just wait for her response.
If she expresses interest, then you’ve got yourself a hiking date.
By suggesting a date-like activity without framing it as a date, you’re not pressuring her to agree. So, if she expresses interest, you know it’s because she really wants to.
12 ways to tell she likes you when the two of you are together
If you’re one of those old-fashioned people who doesn’t arrange their whole dating life digitally, there are subtle signs to look for in person as well.
Sign #1: Laughing at your jokes even the bad ones
Especially when you’re in a group setting, if she laughs at your jokes, she may be expressing interest.
One reason that women do this is because they want to show you they like you more than anyone else does. If it’s just the two of you, she may just be being polite.
Essentially, she’s trying to signal that she really likes you.
Sign #2: She smiles a lot around you
Related to the above, if a girl really likes you, she won’t just be laughing; she will likely have a smile right across her face.
If she consistently smiles whenever she spots you, whether talking to you or seeing you from across the room, it’s a good sign.
You don’t consistently smile at someone you don’t like.
Sign #3: Her friends smile a lot too.
Sometimes signs of interest don’t have to come directly from the person themselves.
What makes close friends so close is that you tend to share secrets with them. So, if her friends are smiling or giggling when they meet you, it doesn’t mean you’re the most irresistible man alive; but it may well mean they know that she’s into you.
So, if her friends are smiling, or even actively encouraging her to talk to you, this is a great sign. Not only because she’s probably interested, but having her circle of friend’s approval will improve your chances.
Sign #4: She fixes her makeup around you
If you’re hanging out with a girl and she keeps reapplying her makeup and touching up her appearance, it’s a sign she wants to look good for you.
Sign #5: Playing with her hair
A very strong indicator of interest is if she plays with her hair while you’re talking to her.
In particular, this is a sign of interest if she does it in response to something you say or do; if you discover a shared interest, tell a joke or stand up for her in a confrontation.
This indicator of interest becomes even stronger if she does so while also maintaining eye contact.
Sign #6: She keeps maintaining eye contact
So, you’ve just seen an attractive girl and she’s really easy on the eyes. You stare for a bit before you realize you’re coming off a bit creepy. So, you just sneak a glance every now and then.
Fun fact, girls can’t stop staring at guys they find attractive either.
Also, if a girl holds eye contact with you when talking to you, she’s signaling that she’s at ease around you and she’s interested in what you’re saying.
TIP: if it feels a little unnerving to keep staring into a girl’s eyes, then try focusing your gaze on the bridge of her nose instead. No one will be able to tell the difference.
Sign #7: Mirroring your body language and movements
When you feel comfortable around someone you’ll begin mimicking their movements without realizing.
So, you might decide to lean back in your chair and, if she’s into you, she might do the same without thinking. This either means she’s comfortable around you or you are dating a mime.
Sign #8: When you take a drink, so does she
Related to the above, unconsciously mimicking behavior can even extend to her taking a sip of her drink whenever you do.
This is a very positive sign if it happens; especially if it’s clear she’s not doing it deliberately. A girl mimicking you while maintaining eye contact is good. But if she’s so engaged in the conversation you’re having that she doesn’t realize that she’s doing it; she’s really into you.
Sign #9: She keeps making physical contact
Making physical contact with a girl you like can be very exciting; an accidental hand brush or her steadying you if you stumble. It sends happy butterflies through your stomach.
This is another thing that falls under, ‘Guess what? Girls do it too’.
Brushing hands, playfully poking you with her elbow, physically touching you to get your attention, taking your hand to lead you somewhere; if she’s constantly making physical contact with you, guess what?
She’s not doing it because she doesn’t want to.
You don’t constantly keep touching someone you don’t find appealing, so if she’s doing any of the above, or similar; congratulations, she finds you attractive.
Sign #10: Always spending time with you instead of other ‘friends’
So, you’re at a party; there are a lot of friends of the two of you there; but she spends the whole time at your elbow
As with the physical contact thing, this isn’t something you do with a person that you don’t enjoy being around. If she’s patiently waiting for you to finish talking to someone, it means she really wants your attention.
Her wanting your company is a good sign.
Sign #11: She always has an excuse to see you.
A girl who wants to spend as much time with you as possible will also often make as many excuses as possible to hang out with you.
She’ll take the initiative about meeting up with you and try to involve herself in what you’re doing. The excuses are because boys aren’t the only ones shy about admitting they like someone.
Sign #12: She always comes to you for help; even if she doesn’t need it.
One of the most common excuses a girl will come up with to hang out is asking you for help.
If she has a problem and she asks for your help over someone more qualified, she’s probably using it as an excuse to hang out.
Sometimes she might just entirely make up a problem to get you to come over. A normally intelligent girl who somehow failed to realize that the problem with her computer was that it wasn’t plugged in, probably didn’t really not notice.
This, like many things, is due to girls worrying about the same things as boys. If a girl wants to hang out with you but doesn’t want to scare you off by coming across as too eager too soon, she’ll make up one of these excuses.
With all of the above advice, you should hopefully be able to gauge her interest without having to explicitly ask.
It is a very good idea to memorize some of the main ‘tells displayed by a girl who into you so next time you’re with a girl you like you can pick them out. This way, you can gauge the mood and assure yourself that things are going fine.
Especially watch for the following signs:
- She begins conversations with you, over text, unprompted.
- She agrees with your opinions regularly
- She shows a lot of interest when you suggest a ‘date-like’ activity.
- She smiles at you a lot.
- She laughs at your jokes more than she does at other people’s.
- She maintains eye-contact with you while playing with her hair.
- She mimics your actions, including taking a drink whenever you do.
- She always has an excuse ready to justify hanging out with you.
However, before we sign off, there’s something we should cover if you are already dating a girl and your need for reaffirmation is getting the better of you; Maybe you feel like she is losing interest, this would be a timely moment to open up about your autism assuming you haven’t already done this.
Before that, It might be an idea to ease up on the relationship pedal.
Don’t blast her with texts. Wait a day or two, after sending her a message, to give her a chance to reply without feeling under pressure
Avoiding putting her under pressure is something you need to keep in mind when arranging meet-ups. Don’t try to tie her down to a particular date; let her take the initiative a bit.
Following these tips will make things much more comfortable.
Once this is accomplished, tell her about your autism when you feel ready; important to do this in person.
Explain as clearly and as honestly about your difficulties reading non-verbal cues. Make it clear that candid honesty about each other’s feelings will strengthen the relationship.
By removing the guesswork (on both sides) you will be helping your relationship by preventing misunderstandings, as well as allowing you to better gauge the state of your relationship.
If you’ve read this article and you feel we’ve missed something crucial or helpful, let us know down below in the comments and we’ll see about adding it.