Settling down and being serious with one person is the end goal for a number of people. With that being serious with someone is a big step and often time you find yourself seriously dating someone only to find a lot of your values don’t align. There is a lot of compromising that needs to be done in relationships for it to progress but there is only so much you can compromise in a serious relationship. Here are questions to consider before getting serious with someone.
Questions to consider before getting serious
What are your views on children and parenting? (as well unplanned)
Serious romantic partners are often happy and in love until a child comes into play. It has become very common for people to have unhealthy relationships with their parents and when not addressed it is passed on to their children. Ideally, we all have an idea of how we want our children it does not have to be identical to our partners but they sure do have to align somehow.
Often time when your relationship is serious you are likely to have sex. And sex protectives don’t 100% prevent pregnancy. Knowing whether your partner is pro-life or would expect an abortion is important. Your decisions on such a heavy topic have to be aligned or it could have resentment between you two.
What kind of life do you want for yourself in the next 5 years?
This opens chats about potentially moving to a different state or country, how consuming their career would be, if children are in the picture, etc. All of this would help you both gauge if your relationship paths will continue to align or if it’s something that wouldn’t last too long. This is not to say you have to take away the privilege of being in a serious relationship but this is to prevent any surprises that may surface in the future.
Remember plans are never set in stone. Life is very unpredictable with where it can take you in such a short space of time. Big life changes you plan without telling your partner could potentially leave your relationship in ruins, giving them the chance to choose to leave or stay is the best thing you could do.
What is their ideal serious relationship?
This question will help you get to know your partner and what it is they need. You can always tell who a person is by what they need. How do they want the relationship to look? How should it feel? What’s the pace the relationship is moving at? This is not to say you have to comply with every single detail but it helps you both understand each other better. It would also be easier to gauge if your two have similar views on your relationship and if you can compromise for each other’s views.
How do they want to be loved?/How do you best understand love?
This is where love languages are very important. Typically people go with people who value similar love languages, this way it’s easier to understand what their feeling and what they need to feel. Some are lovers of touch and others lovers of gifts, you can give one as many gifts as you like but the lack of touch will haunt them at night.
Unfortunately, our love languages are something we learn at very young ages from our parts, guardians and siblings. Trying to learn differently as an adult may be hard, it’s best to embrace and be open with your partner as to what you need in terms of love and how best you receive it. This is where compromising comes in.
Way forward after questions?
After you have both asked the questions that needed to be asked, it’s important that you both take time to digest and evaluate the relationship before getting serious. When you like someone it’s easier to convince yourself that you can be what they want in a partner but you would be lying to yourself.
Often times when people do this they begin to show mixed signals later in the relationship because they have come to a crossroads themselves. Stuck between liking a person but not being able to give what they require because it wears you out.
The best thing you and your partner openly communicate is where you both stand on what’s being discussed. Communication and comprehension have proven time and time again to be the foundation of any relationship to work.
