Getting over an ex is possibly the hardest thing to do. At some stage in our lives, we reach a point where we might have to let go of the one person we never thought we’d have to lose. To get over a breakup there has to be a certain way in which you look at this breakup. If you look at it as a loss, you will probably feel very empty throughout.
How to get over your ex?
Getting over an ex takes patience and intentionality, some days you will be over them completely and on others, you can’t help but need a call. It’s important to persist in your journey. Here are a few ways to help get over your ex:
Detach from memories
There are certain routines you get used to doing with your partner day-to-day. It’s important to remove yourself from these routines. If every night you had video chats, you have to find a way to mentally remove yourself from that. It is definitely not an easy thing to do but a lot of growth and individualism comes from it. This is where you start to be yourself again.
Allow yourself to cry
People often skip this step by “being strong”. Being strong can only take you so far when it comes to moving on and healing. You have to allow yourself to cry and have times where you feel the pain. If it means you listen to music you both loved as well as movies in order to break down, do it. Tears do build up and get too heavy for you mentally and emotionally. Giving yourself the chance to let it all out, gives a breath of a new start. It’s a step forward in moving on.
As great as it would feel to spend the day or evening in bed crying and reminiscing, it isn’t very productive. Try your best to keep busy, whether it’s with work, friends, learning something new. Fill your day with scheduled events that you prioritise and enjoy. When you keep busy you don’t have time to think about what someone else is doing and are way too tired to think about it once you get a break. Before you know it, you haven’t thought about them in weeks.
Accept the experience
Being able to say “yes we were together, I loved him but it didn’t work/we grew apart and that’s okay”. That alone shows growth within. You feel better about the situation, accepting it for what it is. Whether you hurt the person, they hurt you or it simply just didn’t work. Regardless, you accept it for what it is and this helps you move on.
Meet new people/new experiences
This is the best stage of moving on. Finding new ways to be you again and meeting new people that invoke new or old great feelings. Try out things you have never done before, such as bungee jumping, travelling, new cooking classes, whatever it may be. Make sure it is thrilling and exciting to you. You realise you are no longer the same person you were when you were with your person and no longer have reason to think about the past.
Moving on is a big process and not one that cannot be achieved with a day or a week. Depending on your relationship with your partner how much you felt for them and sometimes the duration of the relationship. It is very important that in your moving on journey you don’t look at how fast your partner has moved on. This is a mistake several people make. It’s better to dwell on how their ex-partner memories in the move on journey.
If you are dwelling, it’s best to dwell on memories. Focusing on what has been will be better than looking at what your ex-partner is doing currently. It’s important to remember that people are different. With different coping mechanisms and even how much he/she loved you. You don’t always know how much your partner felt for you during your relationship if it was a serious relationship for them.
As cliche as it may sound, focus on yourself in this healing process. Many jump to being with other people, it may generally work for some time but it will not fix how you genuinely feel. Healing still needs to be done whether or not the relationship meant something to you at that time.