Are you currently seeing someone new but they have kids? Often people are uneasy when it comes to dating someone with kids. The level of seriousness in the relationship seems to be expected from the get-go. Every parent is different with how involved their children are in their relationships.
As someone dating someone with kids, you might want to be involved in the kids’ lives from the get-go. This would be a discussion and agreement between you and the person you’re seeing. This might inevitably cause a few more issues in your relationship compared to a relationship with no kids.
Tips of dating someone with kids
There have to be some serious conversations that need to be had about the relationship, boundaries and expectations involving the kid. It would be much better if the talk happen in the early stages of your relationship or before anything has been official. Each ‘talk’ will differ with the relationship before it becomes romantic. A few tips when dating someone with kids:
Take interest in your partner’s kids’ life. Little things like asking your partner how they may be doing, school, interests, etc. These things show your partner that you understand that they come as a package. Your partner would appreciate your interest in their child whether or not they let you take part in the child’s life.
Get to know the kid
When you and your partner decide to take it to the next step when it comes to meeting their child, take the time to get to know them. No matter the age, kids have things they are interested in and trying to give them that or show interest in their interest could build your relationship with the kid.
Make plans involving the kid
If the relationship is heading for the long run, including the kid in activities will play a big role on your partner as well as the child. Your partner would notice your efforts into the dynamic of your relationship. This small action consistently helps your relationship start to settle into a comfortable state.
Having long term discussions
It isn’t always set that every person you date it’s going to turn into something long term, no matter your intentions. Life can sometimes be unpredictable. Regardless, initiate communication with your partner about their child. Expressing how involved you would like to be and knowing the expectations that have been set on you by your partner regarding the child.
Do I automatically become a parent to the kid?
No, you do not. It is a major red flag for your partner to expect you to jump into being the child’s parent just because you are dating. It is also a red flag if you decide to date someone with kids with the expectation that you will automatically be a parent.
Children are very fragile and cannot just be forced to get to know someone new with no longevity. Eventually, there comes a pattern of the child meeting new people every few months that don’t stay in the long run.
You must have a discussion with yourself about your seriousness and intentionality with your partner. Sometimes on the surface, you may feel you have all the right intentions but with a child involved the stakes are much higher. A lot more maturity is required.
Can I date someone with a kid?
Yes. There is not much of a difference when dating someone with a child or without. The only difference would be in their relationship with their child and how they expect you to be involved. If it’s all a healthy relationship between the two that is a green flag for you as you know you’ll be walking into something with someone that knows how to have a healthy relationship.